劍橋商務英語初級寫作指導

2017年劍橋商務英語初級寫作范文指導

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　　作文題目：

　　You are the office manager at an insurance company. You have arranged for contractors to upgrade your computer system. This means the system will be shut down for a full day.

　　Write a memo of 40-50 words:

　　informing staff of the shutdown

　　telling them when it will happen

　　asking them to prepare alternative work for the day.

　　老師提示：

　　商務寫作中遵循的原則是：簡潔，精確，禮貌。在考試中或者工作中，格式基本已經 給出，所以只需要我們寫正文即可。正文中我們寫作要做到選詞精當，一針見血，語法正確，不出低級錯誤的句子。備忘錄屬于半正式的文體寫作，所以在句子選擇上可以適當放寬，不必太正式。

　　作文一：

　　MEMORANDUM

　　from : Tom TO : all staff

　　date : 25/8

　　Because our computor system will be upgraded by the contractors on 28 AUGUEST, so the system will be shut down for a full day on that day[1], i ask for you prepare alternative work for the[2] day. and the work don't use computer system .

　　I think you can give a good performance to me to pass the accident. [3]

　　名師修改意見：

　　[1]Business writing 中盡量少使用because....so... 這樣的結構，看起來不夠專業，改為：As we plan to upgrade.....

　　[2]有中式英文的痕跡：我要求你們。。。。改為：please prepare alternative work if you have to use the computer.

　　[3]這不能算作accident, 既然已經計劃好了。整句去掉。換成thank you.

　　作文二：

　　From: office manager

　　To: all staff

　　Subject: the company system

　　I would like to notify you that [1]the computer system of our company's will be shut down on this Tuesday for a whole day long [2]on account of the system needs a upgrade.[3]Therefore, please taking notice of this event in advance, in case of some potential inconveniences and troubles on Tuesday, yet prepare alternative work for that day. [4]

　　Thank you.[5]

　　名師修改意見：

　　[1]去掉這個開頭，直接用被動語態開頭。

　　[2]去掉，多余了。

　　[3]如果你不能保證用長復句可以表達清楚，那么建議換成短句吧。拆成幾個短句也許表達更貼切呢。

　　[4]這句話看起來非常不清楚，主語在哪里?please 的后面是嗎?改成：please make sure that you have prepared alternative work.

　　[5]另換一行

　　作文三：

　　Dear all:

　　The file system will shtudown [1]due to system maintainance next Friday.

　　It will take a full day to finish this job.[2]

　　Please do not acccess the [3]file server that day and backup your files one it[4].

　　名師修改意見：

　　[1]夠干練了，語法錯誤多。 Be shut down

　　[2]去掉

　　[3]Access to

　　[4]On it?

　　作文四：

　　From: office Manager

　　To: all staff

　　Subject: upgarde of computer system

　　As our computer system need to be upgraded, we have arranged the contarctors to upgrade the them [1]on Wedesday. On that day all computers should be shutted down for a full day, so you need arrange some alternative work for that day.

　　名師修改意見：

　　[1]第一: 不要重復使用前面已經用過的詞;第二：指代錯誤，前面說的system 是單數，怎么到這里變成了them? 合成一句：as we have arranged the contractor to upgrade our computer system.

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